Letting Go of Offenses...Let It Go!

Isn't it funny how you "preach" things only to be slapped with what you preached about shortly after?  I had posted my blog post about being humble and, surely, the next day I exploded.  Talk about humbling....

It happens to all of us.  We try to help others and we end up feeling like we got the short end of the stick.  Or, we sacrifice something in some way and we feel as if it was clearly not appreciated.  We all have had these scenarios happen to us but, when they do, how do we stop from harboring bitterness?  Because we all know how UGLY bitterness really is.

In Joyce Meyer's Beauty for Ashes series she says:

“First, let me say that it is not possible to have good emotional health while harboring bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness.  Harboring unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping your enemy will die!  Unforgiveness poisons anyone who holds it, causing him to become bitter.  And it is impossible to be bitter and get better at the same time!”

Let me tell you firsthand, those words are SO VERY TRUE! 

When you become bitter, everything changes you....the way you feel about all circumstances, the way you feel about others and, more damagingly, the way that you feel about yourself.  It is a downhill spiral and you HAVE to find a way to let it go and let it go quickly!

We have to understand that FORGIVING does not mean that you are condoning what has happened.  It just means that you are letting go of the strain that is slowly killing your heart and soul.  You have to forgive the action.  I mean, you REALLY have to forgive!  Forgiving does not mean that you are a doormat now that you have forgiven.  It just means that you are giving others the grace that God gives us on a daily basis.  Think about this Bible scripture:

Mark 11:25-26:  “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your sins.”

And, don't forget about the verse that states:

Matthew 18:20-21:  "21Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? 22Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven."

That's forgiving someone 7 x 70 times, which means keep forgiving until you have found true forgiveness!

We have to keep in mind that the enemy (Satan) is after our happiness, after our hearts.  He wants us to be broken.  He wants our lives to be lived in chaos and distress.  He wants us to not enjoy one single minute of this glorious life that God has given us all.  He is out to kill, steal, and destroy.  When he is able to do this, this will put a huge wedge between ourselves and God and we surely do not want that!

Take a long look in the mirror.  Sincerely look at yourself and see if your heart has hardened, check to see if you have been living under an enormous amount of unneeded stress, see if you feel bitterness towards others.  If so, it's time to lay it all down at the altar, lay it down at the feet of Jesus.  He wants to forgive you but you need to forgive others.  We all do.

Love always wins!

~ Amy

The Acts of Being Humble

Humble: 

1. not proud or arrogant; modest: to be humble although successful.

2. having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience, etc.

3. low in rank, importance, status, quality, etc.; lowly

4. courteously respectful

5. low in height, level, etc.; small in size

 

In today's society, if you are humble, people view you as being weak.  Today's world you are supposed to have a tough exterior and interior, you are supposed to venture around like you are the most important person on this earth, and you are supposed to act like that you just do not care....about anyone or anything besides yourself, right?  So. Totally. Wrong. 

 

In my opinion, that is the problem in today's cultures.  It is a me/me world.  What can you do for me? How will this help me?  You get the picture? I am sure certain people have already popped up in your mind haven't they?

 

The truth is we all need to humble ourselves and look beyond the reflection in the mirror. There is so much more that can be gained if we look beyond ourselves and look towards others.

 

Husband/Wife:

 

If we could humble ourselves to our spouse, just think of doors of love and respect that would open!   How can I be humble to my spouse?  Here are a few ways:

• Put your spouse FIRST!  Besides God, your spouse should come before ANYONE else and they need to know, without question, that they are always first. This gives a huge sense of security to the relationship.
• Admit when you are wrong and ask for forgiveness.  We all have battles in our marriages, and that will always be a part of any marriage or relationship, but we have to learn to humble ourselves and sincerely apologize when we are in the wrong. Apologize, ask for forgiveness so you can move on. 
• Asking and accepting forgiveness.  This goes in hand with the above statement. When you truly ask for forgiveness, learn to accept it!
• Don't be prideful!  Pride is one of the seven deadly sins and it can be a major destroyer in anything!  You two are a team - no one should portray to be better than the other one....at all.  Accept each others weaknesses and lean on each other's strengths but do not make your spouse feel like they are not good enough.  Ever.

 

Children:

 

• Do not ever put your children down; instead, build them up and encourage them.  If they do wrong, handle it in the right way.  Show them where they are wrong and how they can change it.
• Be a true role model for your children.  They will hear what you tell them but they will see what you do.  Actions are much stronger than words!  Remember - they are always watching!
• Teach them to serve others and take the focus of themselves.
• Get them in a good church, make them aware of prayer and sacrifice.

Humble Yourself Before the Lord:

 

• Jesus is the perfect example of humility - look at humbleness He portrayed out of obedience to His father to the point of death on the cross!  Now that is a true example of humbleness and humility!

 

“And being found in human form, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted Him and bestowed on Him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” –Philippians 2:8-11

 

• Remember - we couldn't even have a relationship with God if it wasn't for what Jesus did for all us. 
• Pray a lot.
• Follow God's instructions instead of depending on your own thoughts.
• Be willing to make sacrifices for others that will be pleasing in the Lord's sight. 

What are ways that you can be humble?

 

~Amy

 

Marriage Monday - Respect: Your Husband Needs It!

Respect is a powerful thing!  And it is probably viewed differently by many.  One thing is for certain though....MEN NEED TO FEEL RESPECTED!

What is the official definition for respect?  According to the dictionary:  a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.

What does this mean?  It means that if you are a wife and you are still reading, then you have what it takes to have a happy marriage because you are concerned about what your husband needs.

Through the years of my marriage, I have learned that men need to feel appreciated even when they have made mistakes.  Men need their wives to believe in them even when the odds are stacked against them - with a supporting wife by their side, they can conquer anything!  And, most men probably feel like they should be respected without having to earn it....in the way of, they need to be respected for who they are and not what they do.  Husbands NEED respect in order for the marriage to thrive.

Now as a wife, I am very willing to show respect BUT the part I have struggled with for many years (until recently) is I have always felt that respect should be earned and this kind of thinking has created many arguments and disagreements that could have been avoided.  I have read many, many books, listened to various programs, etc. because I honestly felt that in order for me to give respect to my husband, he had to be respectable (makes sense, right?)...this is the complete opposite of what a man needs.  I have found if a wife can show respect to her husband, even when he doesn't deserve to be respected, he will feel safe and secure with the relationship and this will allow him to open up in a way that he never has before.  A man will never open up to you if you just keep tearing him down over and over again.  There will be no trust there.  There will be no safety.  And, eventually, the love will die.

The book of Proverbs says, “The wise woman builds her house,” but “a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones”.  A wife is either building up or tearing down her husband.

A man's home should be a place of peace, a place of rest, and a place where he feels like he is wonderful.  It should not be a place of criticism, a place of chaos (even though there will be random days of chaos), or a place of rejection.  Insulting a man will end up robbing you of his heart. 

It may be hard at times (because every single one of us fail on a daily basis on being the "perfect" spouse) but if we learn to shower our men/husbands with unconditional respect, even long before they deserve it, they will gain a new respect for us and their hearts will truly begin to open and expand for us.  Not only that, but this will teach us about grace.  We, as wives, sure need grace every single day.  The goal is to work together, to look for the best in one another, and to help improve ourselves in order to improve our family. 

What can you do to start showing your husband respect? 

~Amy

Does Anyone Want To Stay Married Anymore?

 

I have been extremely excited to get my first post going on Marriage Monday but when I sat down to write my blog post, I was overwhelmed.  Why?  Because I have so much to say (HA!  That is an understatement!) and I didn't know where to start!   Fast forward a few HOURS - yes, HOURS!  Now here we go....

You better sit down for these two startling facts:

• The divorce rate for the United States for 2013 was that approximately 50% of people that are married would divorce! 
• In America, there is one divorce every 13 seconds.  That's 6,646 divorces per day and 46,523 divorces per week!

These statistics sadden me to no end.

You know what "I" think the problem is?  I think that everyone has became too selfish, prideful and arrogant.  (OUCH!)  And I am including myself in this as well! Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.  (Proverb 16:18).   

Many people do not want to take the time to try to make someone else happy.  Let's be realistic - you got married because you loved your spouse sooooo much that you couldn't live without them but when you got married, you thought that it was okay to stop trying - that they took the bait, now they are YOURS, and nothing will change that!  SO. NOT. TRUE!  Things can change in an instant; hence, that is why the divorce rate is so alarmingly high!

Let me just say, if everyone spent half as much time on their marriage as they do their regular job, I think there would be a lot more happy people in the world.  Marriage IS hard work - most, if not all, of the time.  Marriage is like a garden - you have to keep tending to it, nurturing it, watering it, pulling the weeds out of it; otherwise, if you didn't do those things, your garden would not grow - same with your marriage - it has to be tended to on a regular, constant basis.  But you say "My spouse does not do this or my spouse does not do that."  I say "SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO GIVE WHAT YOU DIDN'T GET IN ORDER TO GET WHAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS WANTED."  Yeah, I said that and I have said it to MANY people!  =) 

Throughout my life I have found that it is optimal for a marriage to have two people trying but, let me tell you, if ONE person is willing to humble themselves and fight for their marriage, the marriage can change in a great direction.  BUT there has to be at least ONE person willing to do that.  "But I am the one that deserves my spouse to go out of their way for ME." you say...."I do this and I do that for them, what do I get in return? This isn't fair.  It should be all about me, me, me."  <--- does this sound familiar?  I think it does in MANY marriages.  Just remember - marriage is not 50/50 - DIVORCE IS 50/50.  The next time you have an argument and you are so determined about "winning", remember when one of you wins, you both truly lose.  You are both on the same team.

Look at it from this point of view - it doesn't matter how you end up having a happy marriage as long as you get there.  Picture you and your spouse in your 80s, happy as ever.  I don't think you are going to look over at your spouse and think "Gee, I should have never humbled myself years ago.  Even though we are so happy now, I still shouldn't have gave in."  No one would EVER say that!  Instead, you will be both be sitting in rocking chairs on the front porch of your home that you raised your children in, smiling at each other, holding hands and thinking "Every ounce of energy, ever sacrifice was truly worth it!"  It's time for us to learn to respect our spouses and humble ourselves before our spouses and before God!

 

James 4:6 (KJV) - But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.

What can you do today to let grace flow through in your marriage by being humble?

 

~Amy